ROMIN' THE ST. LAWRENCE

Friday August 17, 2007

All of us Romans met at Clark's Marina near Gananoque at high noon. Morris dropped off his cooler and unfortunately had to work but said he'd try and catch up with us tomorrow. This year's crew included Morris Buckner (sort of), Dave Workman, Don Murphy, Wendy Workman, Paul & Sue Nixon, Harvey Guy, Louise Adams, Sharon Adams, Jackie Edwards, Ian Smith.

We got all our paperwork done for our houseboat rental at Houseboat Holidays then loaded up our barge to discover that everyone is a junk food junkie. We had one complete cupboard full of chips and chocolate bars etc. There were no complaints however. After a quick refresher course from our rental agent, Capt. Murphy piloted our 38' craft out of the harbour to Gananoque.

Excerpt from The Captain's Log (not sure who wrote most of these): Start time 1:45. Yikes! Great Caesar! Return of the Romans. Yikes! We were told to slow down before we left the harbour. 3 mph was too fast! Not sure what the markers are for? I think we are supposed to hit them.

The plan was to take in the Blue Rodeo concert by anchoring just off-shore by the stage. We found an excellent spot but we were 4 hours early. We backtracked a little ways to McDonald Island and anchored off-shore. Paul, Harvey and I dove off the side and swam in to do a little exploring. Luckily, Paul had thought to stick a beer down his shorts so we each had a celebratory swig once we made it to land. Paul also thought to bring sandals. Harvey and I grumbled along the trail after Paul, yelling out occasionally as we stepped on a sharp stick. We discovered the actual docking area on the far side of the island.

Meanwhile, back on the boat, the rest of the crew decided to set up the sling shot and await our return. Unfortunately for him, a gaunt-looking guy with a blue beard was the first to part the bushes where we had disappeared. He was bombarded with radishes, pickles, grapes and who knows what else. He looked a lot like (and may have been) a castaway. His first glimpse of a boat was not a good one. When the three of us returned, most of the good ammo had been used up, but we still had to dodge some pretzels and muffins on our swim back to the boat.

Excerpt from the Captain's Log: Around 3:30 pm, David, Harvey and Polliwog swam to shore to explore Lost Island (well, maybe it was the government island near Gananoque - but we were on the wrong side of it and thus didn't know). Anywhooo…after the three musketeers swam to shore, Don, Ian & Jackie prepared to welcome them when they returned by slingshotting them with "Roman Grapes!" This was after Don re-anchored us as the wind was causing us to drift like bastards in the wind! Then the three swimmers returned (David's wrinkly shorts were now wrinkle-free as the wind blew his skinny butt off) and we noticed they'd brought back Tom Hanks from the Castaways - newly named "Blue Beard". Thankfully the grapes skipping off Blue Beards head and the several sticking into his long white beard, seemed to deter him from boarding our boat and joining our voyage.

Next we made our way to Gan to anchor and watch Blue Rodeo. However, once again the wind prevented us from anchoring. Also, Harvey & Sue's screaming like Bancheese as we headed towards a posh sailboat. (Editors note: Now I know this was Wendy's entry, as she is the only one who spells banshees in that way - I've mentioned it to her before that it's not a type of cheese). This cemented our group decision to pull up anchor and head to Billie Boy's Island "The Cock of the Rock". Waving goodbye to Jim Cuddy and the Band, we slowly made our way to Ash-hole Island!

We arrived at Ash-hole Island at 6ish, 7ish or 8ish - not sure - had cocktails in the Tower Room bar and watched CSI or maybe Boston League - now wait - Law and Order! Then up to the party cabin to sleep. Dave and Harvey downstairs and the rest of the "impotent" (Editor note: Possibly that said "Important"). Romans in the Upper Palace (with the raccoons).

The weather was picking up so I scooted us over to Blue Rodeo. A sailboat was in our spot so I pulled up beside them and we dropped our two anchors. They wouldn't hold. We tried 3 times with no luck. Everyone including me and the sailboat crew, was afraid we were going to drift into the sailboat so we finally gave up and chugged to Camp Browning on Ash Island. We arrived there about 7:00. All was perfectly calm (which of course was about the time the concert was starting - Grrrr!). Don did a superb docking and we all stormed the Tower Room upstairs. Bill Browning gave us the key to the island so we divided up rooms at the farmhouse where we all stayed. Later, Bill put on a DVD of the last days of Johnny Carson which cracked us all up.

Saturday August 18, 2007

Got up semi-early. I had just missed Ian, Jackie and Harvey who had left to go hiking across the island. Fortunately I am one of the great trackers of the world and was able to sniff them out. I spotted where Harv had knelt down to tie up his sandals and I found a bent piece of grass with a disturbed dew spot that Ian had jostled. Later on I found a piece of fluff on a bush that came off Jackie's shirt. Using these methods and other little known tricks, I was able to locate the trio quite easily. Jackie said it didn't have anything to do with my tracking methods, but more to do with the fact that there is only one trail on the island.

While waiting for everyone to get up, I played myself a rousing round of frisbee golf by choosing my targets and setting a par.

Jackie and Ian were in charge of this morning's breakfast. Our crew eventually showed up in the galley and we were joined by Bill and Jason. Wendy and Don presented Bill with a large sitting rooster and a sign "Bill Browning - The Cock of the Rock". Breakfast was excellent. Many eggs, home fries, bacon and toast were devoured.

Louise and Sharon, the latecomers were picked up in Bill's small boat and brought to the island. And now…it was time for our toga wear. We all suited up then Don piloted us over to Alexandria Bay for the apparently non-existent pirate weekend. There were very few boats and pirates for some reason but we still had a good time giving everyone the Roman salute from the top of our deck. It was quite wavy and windy so most of us almost fell off at one time or another.

I took over the helm and led us back to Smugglers Cove for supper. Surprisingly, the docking went fine there as well. As I told Don, "We've each gotten our one good docking in…now we're free to crash into anything". Much to the amusement of the other diners, we togaed up to our table on the patio. Don stuck his sword through the hole in the middle of the table and dared the other patrons to try and remove it saying, "If you can remove the sword, then and only then, can you buy our meals". There were only two takers but they were unable to remove the rigidly stuck sword.

Excerpts from the Captains Log: Saturday a.m. The guys have gone for a walk - just Don, Paul and Wendy here now. Preparing to make breakfast for the morning feeding frenzy! - hopefully the gang will make it back - after all Dave is with them and has a keen (?!) sense of direction! Then again we may never see them again! Don is up on the top deck pacing around. I'm sure he's worried about the gang - oops! Guess not! Just doing yoga!

Breakfast over! Thank goodness - couldn't stop Dave from eating everything in sight - not much left for the others! - New Romans arrived today. Something to do with the Queen of the underwear or something like that!

Some of the Romans were dressed early and ready to do battle - others are getting up slowly. When in Rome! - friends Romans countrymen lend me your beer! Signed Marcus Orillius Maximus! (Caesar).

Here we are dressed as Romans. Guys look "stupid" Ha! Girls look awesomely beautiful. Beautiful sunny day - Heading to have war with the pirates by firing grapes at them.

2ish - We are off? To Alex Bay for a battle with the pirates - what a bunch a nuts???

Passing under the bridge now - Big waves - all the girls got soaked…hee…hee…hee. Group headed topside for sun and better view. Lots of strange looks from other boaters. Hmm…not sure why? I'm navigating for Don now - Going well so far…OH GOD LOOK OUT DON!! Gotta get back to work now…talk to you later if we survive A-Bay…

Sat night BBQ and festivities. We were rockin' in the dock(in) but the damn bastard neighbours called at 10:30 and said they could see Don stripping on top of the steps and didn't appreciate it! So we had to turn down the music and take down the stripper's pole! (Don didn't make the money he had hoped to).

Next was the ghost hunt at the farmhouse to find the murdered lady? She showed up once and tapped Sue on the shoulder then disappeared. The Blair which (witch) basement was interesting and the huge dock spider which Dave rescued and I think took to bed (unknown to him). Funny he has little red dots all over him this morning.

Athena & Julius	Persephone & Cleopatra

Et Tu Brutus	How did Fred Flintstone get on board?

The Stage Production of "Julius Caesar"

From there, Don piloted us back to Ash Island where we spent the remainder of the evening partying on Bill's dock while Chef Paul cooked us up some burgers and corn on the cob. Around 9:30 we had to turn down our music as Bill received a phone call complaint from his neighbour across the lake. Sharon and Louise elected to sleep in the houseboat.

Dave: I had a good time tonight with my dance lessons.

Harv: Oh…were you instructing Sharon?

Ian: My God! I hope not!! Dave was hopping around the dock like a wounded rabbit!

The rest of us headed up to the farmhouse for the night. Harv, Wendy and I were last up so everyone else was hiding in the front room with the lights off to scare us. Sue was scared the most as she said later that the ghost patted her on the shoulder. Supposedly a woman was murdered in this house 170 years ago or so. This prompted us to descend into the depths of the scary basement for a séance. Later that night, after everyone was asleep, I prowled the house making haunted noises such as opening and closing the squeaky door (which Jackie later told me she got a big laugh out of), and with Harvey's encouragement, scraping the ceiling with a steel comb I found.

Sunday August 19, 2007:

Got up early. While waiting for everyone to wake up, I played a few rounds of "whore shoes". This is a game very similar to Horseshoes but it's played using women's high heeled shoes. Later Ian, Harv and I played catch with a baseball until our arms fell off.

Everyone left for an island hike. Jackie, Ian, Harvey and I tracked them down, hid and then followed them back.

We all met for another great breakfast then lounged around on the dock all morning. Val and Rodney stopped in by boat to see us. Harv challenged me to a game of bocci balls. There isn't a level spot on the island so it was quite an interesting game. Our game was interrupted as everyone decided to set out on the boat. Bill, Jason and Max were sad to see us go, seranading us with "We're glad to see you go…we're glad to see you go…we hope to hell you never come back, we're glad to see you go."

I piloted us into a berth at McDonald Island. Actually we were waved in by a yatch owner. I was sure he was waving to us to go away, but surprisingly he had located a spot for us. We had lunch there then headed back to the Marina. We had five perfect dockings with no mishaps. We were all surprised.

Excerpts from the Captains Log: Sunday a.m. Big breakfast. Off for a walk in the woods on the island - uneventful but decent. I guess it's time for a beer? Swim and food - doesn't get any better!

4ish - getting ready to "push off." Need gas (I already have some!)(Editor: That has to be Paul). Roundin' up the gang. Dave and Harv playing bochalism ball!

On our way home - Dave was playing chicken with the 1000 Island boat cruiser and a baja speed boat - we lost but survived. We saw a boat up on the rocks nearby - Dave said he had an alibi.

I had an absolutely fabulous time on the "Greek" Houseboat weekend. My favourite was sitting out the front watching and seeing everything. At one time we had a paddleboat, a very large barge and an awesome pirate sailboat. Nobody fell off and I was too scared to go up top during movement. What a chicken! Everyone was great. I'm already looking forward to next year. Thanks to all!! (Editor - that has to be Louise!)

Notes: Total price each for the weekend (not including the restaurant) was $91.85. That included all the gas, insurance and the houseboat from Friday at noon till Monday at 9:00 a.m.

Recommend leaving 2 five gallon cans behind (instead of 1) for next time as we were short $16.50 for a fill-up at the conclusion.

Click Here For A Slide Show Of Our Trip

....Previously

Minutes of Houseboat Meeting 2007

Held at Harvey's House

Harvey called the meeting to order, seconded by Jackie.

It was agreed that we would all meet as close to noon this Friday August 17th, 2007. The first person to arrive should let the Houseboat Holidays manager know that we have booked the Blue Houseboat with the Captains Wheel on top (under the name of Dave Workman), so that they can get it ready for us.

NOTE: Balance of money owing for houseboat will be due in cash at noon Friday.

A list of items to bring was drawn up and included the following;

Ian 5 gallons of regular gas

Jackie Sunday breakfast, milk, cereal, 2 doz eggs (Wendy) garbage bags

Don Marine Oil, mayonaise, corn on cob and/or toilet paper, Sling shot

Wendy 3 doz eggs, cheese slices, paper towels, paper plates

Paul Saturday breakfast, barbecue,

Sue Sugar, coffee, Sanitary napkins

Harvey 5 Gallons of regular gas, baseball glove, bocci balls

Morris Biodegradable cold cuts, soap and dish soap

Louise Hamburger & hotdog buns, mustard, relish, catsup

Louise's Sister Salt, pepper, tomatoes, butter/margarine, onions

Dave 5 Gallons of regular gas, baseball glove, whore shoes, lawn darts

Note: If anyone wants to bring anything above and beyond that mentioned above, feel free! i.e. if you would prefer to have steak rather than hamburger, the bring yourself a steak.

Crew Members Check List

The following is a list of items that each person is responsible for if you want it:

Chocolates and goodies and chips and pretzels and more chocolate, pies, ice cream

Liquor, water, juice etc.

Cooler and Ice

I.D. (passport preferred) drivers license, health card

CDs of your choice - Paul will have a player on board

Bathing suit, towel, mask, fins, etc.

Camera

Clothing - Sweater, rain gear, etc.

Sleeping Bag

Slingshot & Grapes

Games - board games, badminton, frisbee, lawn darts, badminton, volleyball, baseball glove etc.

A Random Drawing of Roman Names Was Held For Crew Members

Sue Uterus

Wendy Cornelia

Jackie Athena

Louise Cleopatra

Sharon Persephone

Morris Tiberius

Don Nero

Paul Marcus

Ian Julius

Harvey Brutus

Dave Marc Antony

The Majority Voted The Following Names for Our Extra Crew

Rob Tightass (Titus)

Kathy Clitoris

Bill Uranus

Bill's Helper #1 Jason Glutius

Bill's Helper #2 Max Maximus