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SKIING

ALGONQUIN

PARK

Disclaimer:

I forgot to bring my camera on this trip so I substituted skiing pictures from last year at Kingston?s Little Cataraqui Creek Conservation Area?hey ? what?s a web page without pictures!?

Friday January 25, 2002

The Cataraqui Canoe Club was leading a cross country skiing excursion in Algonquin Park. Due to the lack of snow and rainy weather forecast, we got the word Thursday night from trip leader, Tom Stewart, that it was cancelled. Linda and I made a borderline decision to go anyway since the room was already booked. By 7:00 a.m. we were tossing things left and right into Linda?s car. By 7:30 Linda was shifting into her first gear and caught me looking at her hand.

?What are you staring at?? she yelled.

?Your thumb?it?s all swollen!? I replied.

?No it isn?t? she said after taking a look.

?Yes it is? I replied.

The banter went back and forth until Linda finally explained that her thumb muscles were larger than most because of her massage business. Apparently I had never noticed before. Now, of course I couldn?t stop noticing. Her trucker thumbs were looming everywhere I looked.

?At least they?re not as big as your lips? she said.

I had made the mistake earlier of mentioning that the contact lenses I had recently purchased, somehow seemed to affect my mouth. When I wear them they make my lips feel like Mick Jagger?s. They?re all over the place. I have no control over them and I can?t keep them still.

We had an uneventful ride up, unless you count being stopped for speeding. Linda was travelling 115 km in an 80 km zone but she did an excellent job of whining and was able to weasel out of paying the fine. She was let off with a warning which was much better than losing 5 points and paying $240.00. I?d tell you what she said but I plan on using the same line myself.

Stopping at Tim Horton?s in Bancroft for a snack, we ran into Bob Clooney who had also decided to take a chance on the skiing conditions. The three of us arrived at our destination in Whitby around 11:00 a.m.

(Later when Linda read this, her comment was - "You fool! It's not Whitby, it's Whitney! Whitby is 4 hours away...what were you thinking - anyone reading this is going to think we got up every morning and then drove 4 hours to go skiing instead of staying at a perfectly acceptable hotel 5 minutes from the trails?")

We signed in with Morris, the proprietor. I overheard him answer the phone with the name of the Motel.

?I couldn?t quite make that out? What?s the name of this place? Is it the Escape?? I whispered to Linda.

?East Gate? she replied.

?Whose gay?? I asked.

?What are you babbling about?? said Linda.

From that point on, the conversation seemed to deteriorate even further. Morris showed us some maps. I found out later that Linda thought he had given me one.

Bob wanted to ski outside the park so he graciously loaned us his park pass. We unpacked at our room and Linda spread her map out on the bed. She picked out an interesting route and began totaling up the kilometers.

?We could do this one but it?s 72 k and I don?t know if we have enough time today? she said.

I had no audio comment.

?What do you think about this route?? she went on.

?I don?t know ? you?re thumb is blocking my view?, I replied.

That instigated Linda to challenge me to a thumb wrestling match which she won thumbs down.

By 11:50 we were at the Leaf Lake entrance. We did the Pine Tree Trail which was a total of 16.2 km. The conditions were not bad and it was around 0 degrees.

LINDA DOESN'T NEED POLES

?Do you have your map in case we get separated,? asked Linda.

?No!? I replied in annoyance thinking, ?how could I have a map ? I?ve never been here before.?

Linda gave me a look that suggested that only an idiot would come into the park without a map and that perhaps I was from another planet. Much later I found out she thought Morris had given me a map back at the hotel. Communication is not always our strong point. We signed the guest book at the warming hut which was near the half way mark. At the end of the day we saw one other couple ? the only other people we had seen. We were back at the car at 4:35.

COLLECTOR'S ITEM: LINDA RESTING

We arrived back at the motel just as Bob was pulling in and agreed to meet him for supper at the restaurant down the road at 6:00. Back at the room, Linda won the coin toss for the first shower. Actually, there was no coin toss?Linda just said ?I?m going first ? you got a problem with that??. I heard her grumbling that there wasn?t much pressure.

?Did you try turning the taps on? I asked innocently.

?Of course I did?,? she said in annoyance. There was a pause. I heard the sound of taps turning and then she continued, ?Oh?that?s better.?

?I remember the first time I used a shower,? I said sarcastically.

I spied Linda?s threatening thumb coming out from behind the shower curtain so I beat a hasty retreat to my corner.

At 6:00 we called on Bob and the three of us walked next door to the restaurant. Bob and I had the hot chicken sandwich special and Linda had a lettuce leaf with a side order of lentils.

?How was your meal?? I asked Linda.

?Excellent,? she replied ?and yours??

?I give it a thumbs up?, I said.

?Don?t you give me no lip,? mocked Linda.

NORTH & SOUTH POLES

We headed back to the room.

?This would be an excellent time to do some night skiing? said Linda while gazing at the full half moon.

??Or we could go back to the room, relax and watch cable tv? I said hopefully.

?I don?t know if there is enough room for me and your lips in there,? replied Linda.

Fortunately I was able to make my case as there was an interesting documentary on Charles Manson. The hardest part was finding the remote. It was in the least likely place?on the tv. Linda set the alarm.

?Goodnight Thumbelina?, I said foolishly.

?Goodnight Liperace,? said Linda while gouging out my right eye.

Saturday January 26, 2002

PRETENDING TO SKI

We got up at 7:30 and met Bob next door for Morris?s 8:00 breakfast. Bob left to do some skiing elsewhere. Linda and I decided to ski the Polly?s Pitch loop. This is a fairly rough trail and our tracks were the first ones of the day. Thirty one minutes later (1.6 k) we arrived at the first junction. My ski boot came out of my ski. I thought this was just a rare occurrence until I noticed that the entire end of my ski boot had broken off.

?This is not good,? thought I.

Linda said she would ski ahead and meet me at the next junction while I went back to the car for my spare boots. I set off on one ski carrying the other one. Two minutes into my snowboarding trek I realized Linda had the car keys. I reversed direction and screaming ?Linda? every few seconds, eventually caught up and got the keys. I decided skiing with one ski was not going to cut it so I left my skis and packsack buried under the snow by a log and set off once again. Two minutes into my second trek I realized that it would be beneficial to have my skis with me when I skied back from the car. Once again I retraced my route, dug out my skis and started my jog back. I was already tired and out of breath and I hadn?t even gone anywhere yet. I was back to the car in 17 minutes. It took me a further 15 minutes of speed skiing to get back to the junction where I originally left Linda. I dug out my packsack from under the snow then raced off to find Linda. I was so overheated I wanted to take off my jacket and just wear my t-shirt ? but I couldn?t spare the time. Forty minutes later I caught up to Linda at the next junction sitting with her back against a tree enjoying the sun and an apple. I fell in the snow beside her, panting with my heartbeat up around 500 bps or so.

She said, ?What took you? ? I?ve been waiting 15 minutes?Well ? do you want to get going now??

Since I didn?t have enough breath to answer she took that as a yes and set off at an alarming rate. I had no choice but to follow. I didn?t even get a chance to sip my water.


LINDA'S RECURRING PHOTOGRAPHIC PROBLEM	*DAVE'S LIPS DOING THEIR THING*

Again, we didn?t see anyone all day until near the end of the trail at one of the warming huts where we sat by the fire and fed the resident mouse some of our scraps. From there we skied to the end of the trail spying a plethora of very fresh moose tracks along the way. Back at the car we had a semi-snooze beside the fire in the warming hut. Bob joined us. He had finished his ski and come over to do the smaller loop.

?What did you bring for the potluck supper tonight?? asked Bob.

?Well?nothing ? no one else is coming? replied Linda.

Bob seemed disappointed but asked us to drop over later to share in his repast. Linda and I went back to the restaurant for supper and then joined Bob for the cherry pie he brought. We had a good time talking about our outing and then we retired for the night.

?Goodnight Tom Thumb? I said.

?Goodnight lipizzan stallion,? replied Linda while fish patting me on the head.

Sunday January 27, 2002

We leapt out of bed in time to join Bob for another one of Morris?s 8:00 breakfasts. Bob left for another trail. Linda allowed me to lounge around for almost 10 minutes while we packed and caught the end of Stephen King?s ?Dolores Clayborn?. Today we chose the Thistle Lake Trail which was 11.5 k. It started out very icy but by midday the conditions weren?t too bad. Because of her knee, Linda was reluctant to ski the icier sections so I was able to ski ahead a bit while she walked. From the amount of times I fell, I think she had the right idea. At one point, Linda rounded a bend and spotted me crumpled up in a ball by a tree.

?What happened ? did you trip over your lip? she said sympathetically stepping over me without breaking stride.

?No. I just felt the urge to make a snow angel,? I replied to her receding multi-coloured touque.


TRYING TO FIT HER THUMBS INSIDE THE GLOVES	*TROUBLE OVER A BRIDGE OF WATER*

I got a little ahead so I jumped off the trail and hid behind a log until she sauntered by. Then I stalked her for a while until she noticed me. We stayed about half an hour at the warming hut which we had all to ourselves as usual. One couldn?t help but notice where a bear had recently gouged and torn boards off both the warming hut and outhouse walls. I followed Linda to the outhouse and gave her a start by growling when she opened the door.

We saw only one other couple again today. Along the trail I got ahead again and hid behind another log but Linda was on to my tricks and pelted me with snowballs. To get even, I skied ahead on a long downhill icy stretch and made a full size snowman in the middle of the trail for Linda to find. (Actually it was a snowwoman as we had just finished an equal rights argument). Later, when telling the story to my co-workers, in my usual confusing way, they misunderstood saying ? ?Oh?you don?t want to get Dave mad or?he?ll build a snowman.? They also seem to have trouble with the concept that we go cross-country skiing with a biking club and hiking with a canoe club. Recently I was asked if I?m going indoor wall climbing with the swimming club.