Biking and Kayaking at Kennesis Lake Ontario 2001

A week?s vacation at Kennesis Lake north of Haliburton, Ontario sounded very peaceful and relaxing. Linda?s friends owned the perfect cottage near the Algonquin Park border which they were kind enough to lend us.

Saturday August 11, 2001

At 11:30 a.m. Linda and I were loading up my car once again with kayaks, mountain bikes, food and gear for a week. We left at high noon stopping off at my sister?s house to say goodbye to my cousins who were visiting from Florida. It was a good thing we did, as we scored a scad of chocolates that Wendy and Don gave us. Linda impressed me by eating even more than myself during the 4 hour drive. Few people can equal my chocolate tolerance.

We stopped for some ice cream at the half way point. Back at the car, Linda pointed out, ?I?ve noticed that whenever you buy something, you cross your arms and legs and stand at this really odd angle that defies gravity. You look like a drunken deer with splayed feet.?

?Thank you for noticing. That?s how I stand when I?m comfortable?I find it relaxing,? I said.


THE SKYLINE PARK OVERLOOKING THE TOWN OF HALIBURTON - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

At Haliburton we took in the Skyline Park with it?s great view. I followed Linda as she led the way down the path.

?I think the problem is in the way you walk?, I lectured, ?You seem to pause a long time between steps. Besides, your heels are elongated. Come to think of it, I seem to know a lot of people with your problem, like my mother, my sister, my co-workers, my...?

Linda interrupted me, ?All I know is my heels weren?t elongated before I started going out with you?, she replied in a huff.

We arrived at the cottage and unpacked everything. Previously, Linda had agreed to purchase all the food telling me we would settle up later. I had offered to help but she insisted, saying, ?No ? I don?t want to be eating Poptarts for a whole week?.

I should probably mention that I am financially backward. Since I rarely spend money, I tend to not know what things cost. I don?t buy food as it would just be a waste of time ? I would only end up eating it anyway. However, Linda tells me I?m very accurate with my cost projections?if this were the 1700s.

I thought that was quite steep for a week, but I held my tongue?and hey?after all, I?m on vacation. I dug out a twenty, a five and a looney and offered it to her.

?Get real? she yelled, ?It?s $52.00 each and we?re still going to have to buy more?.

I turned white and ran behind the cabin and smoked a whole pack of cigarettes to calm down before I remembered that I don?t smoke.

Once my heartbeat had returned to normal, we went for a short bike ride to the dam at the end of the lake. Since it was dusk, Linda wanted to explore the non-existent trails on the other side of the dam. We carried our bikes over and did some extreme biking in the woods. We could hardly see. Our plan was to cycle around the lake. I found a trail which led to the end of a brand new road which was being built. We marked the spot planning to return tomorrow. On the way back to the cottage we stopped at a sand beach beside a bridge and went swimming.

After supper Linda announced, ?I won?t be doing dishes this week because I?m on vacation.?

This caught me by surprise but I was quick enough to retaliate with ?I?m on vacation too ? Dibs on not breathing.? I turned blue and fell on the floor eventually deciding that this was not a wise course of action. Fortunately, we are both mature adults and were able to reach a compromise.

After I did the dishes, we rooted through the cottage board games looking for something relaxing.

?What do you mean, you don?t know how to play charades. What?were you raised by dogs or something.?

?No, please?, interrupted Linda, ?I don?t think I can stand to hear that story again.?


*THE ITALIAN STALLION PLAYS CHARADES* *FOR THE FIRST TIME*	*ALWAYS THE VEGETARIAN*	*"HOW DO THEY GET THE CARAMEL IN THE* *CARAMILK BAR?"*

Linda did an excellent job of teaching me charades in between dancing to the tapes she brought. Somehow, her heels still managed to get in the way. At midnight we went down to the dock and watched shooting stars. There were six tonight. The screw in my glasses took the opportunity of falling out. I was blind. Linda led me back to the cottage. Fortunately I had her heels to guide me. I located my spare set of glasses and installed a new screw.

We slept in till 10:30 today then had breakfast and went swimming. We tanned on the floating dock for a while and relaxed most of the day. Linda does not relax well. Finally, she couldn?t take it anymore and at 4:10 she announced that we were going to have to bike completely around the lake. I was still in relaxation mode.


*MY NAME IS LINDA - I'LL BE YOUR* *WAITRESS*	*I THINK I SEE ANOTHER QUARTER*


PIER PRESSURE	LINDA DISPLAYS HER BERGENSTOCKS

?We might not get back before dark and this is bear country,? I said trying to discourage her.

She had a point there ? It would have to be one brave bear to get in the way of Linda?s bike ride.

At the doorway, Linda looked down saying "Darn. I've got mud on my feet. I don't want to track that inside".

Being the helpful and considerate person that I am, I said, "Not to worry, my Queen - I'll fix you right up."

"Thank you" said Linda gratefully as I poured it over her feet. Suddenly her eyes became wide and she ran screaming past me. I found her soaking her feet in the bathtub.

"Did you not think to check the water temperature before you poured it on me. You've scalded my feet!!" she yelled.


*DAM CYCLISTS!*	*THE SPECK IN THE DISTANCE IS LINDA* *-SHE'S ALWAYS AT MY SIDE*	*THE NEW ROAD WE FOUND*

After some recovery time, we took yesterdays route, carried our bikes over the dam and made our way through the woods to the new road we discovered. It was mostly sand and very hard going for 2.5 hours. Fortunately it was only about 96 degrees out today.

"How many times do I have to tell you?it's a helmet - not a hat", said Linda in annoyance.

All along the route were excellent photo opportunities ? heavy duty construction machinery which we took turns posing on. Eventually we came out on the main highway.


*AFTER A COFFEE, I HAD LINDA DECAFFEINATED*	*SNIDELEY WHIPLASH GETS HIS JUST REWARDS* *"SUDDENLY...I'M NOT HALF THE MAN I USED TO BE..."*


*PIPE DREAMS: I WAS NOT TOO FOND OF LINDA'S CHOICE OF ACCOMMODATIONS*


*THE PSYCHO PATH*	*THE MAIN ROAD*	*LOOKING DOWN ON LINDA*

We biked over to the marina, picked up a movie for the evening, then biked the winding hills back to our cottage arriving at 7:30. Linda made one of her special suppers with rice, feta cheese and corn on the cob. It was excellent.

"Of all the dishes you can choose from, why do you always pick that bowl for your plate?" asked Linda pointing to the heavy duty round plate I had just polished off.

"He's Carole and Joe's dog", replied Linda nonchalantly not even trying to hide her smirk.

After I did the dishes, we watched our movie, ?Frantic? with Harrison Ford. We thought it was new. It turned out to be from 1968?apparently this was classed as a new release at the marina. It was very slow. Went to bed at 11:30. At 1:30 Linda woke me to tell me about a mouse. She turned the light on and sure enough, one scurried by. While Linda ran around trying to catch it, I thought about how interesting it is that real mice don?t look anything like Mickey Mouse. They don?t have long spindly arms and legs, nor do they wear white gloves or have large round ears. I guess I missed my calling ? I too could have made millions from my cartoon of Adrian the Moose who looked more like a parrot with a large beak and wings?but he did have antlers. Linda?s voice brought me back to the present.

?Are you going to help me or not?? asked Linda while fish-patting me on the head.

Since the dresser drawer seemed to hold some fascination for the little critter, we ended up moving it out in the hall. We plugged a mouse hole with brillo pads and went back to sleep. It seemed to work.

Linda brought out the dreaded day book. For those of you who haven?t seen her day book, it is a black, leather, loose leaf manuscript about 18? x 12?. Linda?s whole life is mapped out in there and apparently, so is mine. Under today?s date I saw that a 40k bike ride was penciled in.

?My back is still sore. I think I pulled something when I carried in the water bottles on Saturday?, she said, ?would you mind if we traded today with Tuesday and just did the 20k of kayaking??

I dragged the boats down to the dock and we kayaked two miles across the lake to the marina to return our movie. I noticed that they had jet skis and decided to inquire about renting one. In my defense, with my one track mind, I was thinking of a one hour rental. I sauntered over to the woman behind the desk. Her eyebrows shot up as I presented my drunken deer pose.

I tried to take this figure in, trying to decipher what one fifty could possibly be. Surely it couldn?t be one hundred and fifty dollars for an hour. After all, I wanted to rent one, not buy one. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Her jaw dropped open. Linda turned red and all the customers in the store stared at me. Time stood still. Suddenly the door slammed and Linda was gone. I caught up to her half way down the lake. All she would say was, ?A dollar fifty!!!!? over and over and over.

We kayaked in the rain down to the dam. The sun came out so we portaged into Little Kennesis River. It was a quaint little river. Very natural. Little birds were singing and all was as it should be. Suddenly a deafening blast was heard. Apparently we were paralleling yesterdays new road and they were detonating charges. Luckily we had decided to take that route yesterday during their holiday, as they wouldn?t have expected bicyclists to appear out of nowhere. It might have made for an interesting cycle.


*MAKING USE OF THE BOAT PORTAGE*	*HIGH ROLLERS*	*WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE*


*THE USUAL SKILLFUL DISPLAY*	*KENNISIS RIVER*	*SCENE FROM "DELIVERANCE"*

We made our way into Little Pine Lake and found a suitable island for lunch and tanning. Then we paddled around the largest island and back to the dam for a swim. Danger signs were posted all around and the noise of the rapids was quite intense.

I caught up to her back at the cottage. According to the day book we had to drive in to West Guilford for supper.

"Sure" said Linda with a tinge of sarcasm, "You can stop off on the way and lay some bricks at the construction site we passed."

We ate at the Corner Caf頷hich served Italian food as their specialty. Linda thought it was excellent. At $14.00 for some noodles and tomato paste, I was flabbergasted. I set the camera up for a self-timed exposure.

?Can you not stop taking my picture for five minutes. I feel like I?m being followed by the paparazzi? said Linda.

The Princess signed some autographs and kissed some babies. I held the limousine door for her and drove us back to the chalet.


*THE CORONER CAFE AT WEST GUILFORD*