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Part II

Don relieved me of my duties due to my dishonorable discharge and did an excellent job of docking in Alexandria Bay. We split up and went for a little tour of the town. Malcolm and I stopped at a little bar for a beer then we all met back at the boat and put on our pirate costumes. Once we were all decked out we congregated on the roof of our yacht and drew pirate names from an envelope. The rule was you could draw and reject names up to three times but the name you drew on your third attempt was final. Some of the rejects included, Iggy Pop, Crazy Jack Haines, Cedar Teeth, Captain Hindgrinder etc., but farther on, I?ll include the full list of names that we had to choose from just in case you want to have a pirate party of your own.

Final assigned names in alphabetical order:  

We staged sword fights and plank walkings on our roof while passersby looked on in puzzlement.  Kathy got a little too much into character and actually stabbed Rob with her sword. She also drew a  toe ring on an unsuspecting Malcolm.

After several hours we tired of this, put on our nametags, and still dressed as pirates, we looted and pillaged Alexandria Bay. The most common comment as we ?Yo hoed? and ?Arghed? up the sidewalks, was mumbled among puzzled tourists, ?I thought Pirates week was in August??  

We ate at a small restaurant where we took turns toasting ourselves, the two favourites being:

"Dear Lord Above, Send Down A Dove

With Wings as Sharp as Razors

To Slit The Throats of Them Thar Blokes

What Sells Bad Rum to Sailors." Cheers.

And of course??Take all you can and give nothing back?.

Pizza was $14.00 Cdn once the exchange was made.  I had a mini heart attack and vowed to never eat on U.S. soil again.  We raced back to the boat as all were wary of the Pirates law??Them that lag behind, gets left behind?. The docking fee was on the honour system so we each put in $2.00?not bad for a ?buck an ear?, eh!?

We left there and had to check in at Canadian customs in Rockport. All went well so we sailed back to Camp Browning for the night.  For a late night snack, Bill made us some burgers and we also had left over pizza.  We talked Stos into serenading us with his guitar while I played backup on the piano.  Malcolm retired around 8:30 which was a good half hour later than the night before.  

Stos taught us a drinking game called ?Thumb Master?. I think he was making up rules as he went along. In essence, everyone drew a card. If you drew a king, you had to wear a beer box on your head until someone else drew the king. Rob drew all the kings and wore the box for an hour. If you drew a ?2? you had to get everyone a drink from the bar (commonly called the bar bitch). A ?3? allowed you to visit the bathroom. A ?4? meant you were the thumb master. If you touched your thumb to your nose, everyone had to follow suit. The last one to do so had to take a drink. There were more rules than I could ever remember and by 1:30 am only 4 of us were left. Kathy drew the ?9? of hearts. According to the rule book, this meant she was required to use a magic marker to draw a moustache on Malcolm. She led Rob, Paul and myself quietly up to the farmhouse?.well, as quietly as 4 hours of Thumb Master would permit ? okay, it wasn?t quiet at all. We shushed each other all the way. Somehow we looked like cartoon characters. Kathy was on point and made her way quietly through the farmhouse door. As Paul went through, Rob said to me, ?what?s that red light shining on Paul?s ghetto blaster?? Milliseconds later, ?The Boys Are Back In Town? was blaring at full volume from Paul?s radio. Apparently, Paul had accidentally bumped the ?On? button. Kathy threw up her hands in exasperation. We giggled and carried on for 15 minutes hoping to lull Malcolm back to sleep but he was onto us and greeted Kathy at the foot of his bed saying, ?Can I help you??

Paul and I went back to the tower room for a much needed drink and finally to bed.  

Sunday July 27, 2003

It was quite dull out this morning so we took our time and had an excellent breakfast in Bill?s kitchen under the sign that said, ?Remember the golden rule?He who has the gold, makes the rule?.  Stos would be returning to university in September and Bill needed a replacement. He offered the job to Malcolm. Malcolm declined saying he wouldn?t be able to handle the late nights. Mumbles of ?millionaires pet? followed Malcolm for weeks afterward.

Down at the dock, Bill explained to us in great detail the impact the gypsy moths had on the St. Lawrence Waterway. We were all confused until Wendy whispered quietly, ?I think he means zebra mussels?.

We said our goodbyes. Both Bill and Stos seemed overly eager in untying and pushing off our boat as they bid us a bon voyage. All of us unanimously agreed that our houseboat vacation had been considerably upgraded to first class by our hosts at Camp Browning. Thanks Bill and Stos.  

STOS & HEF BID US A FOND FAREWELL

Don steered us in to another marina where we sucked up another $40.00 worth of gas and 1 litre of oil. We were surrounded by million dollar yachts. On the way out, our barge wouldn't turn. We were heading right for a nice craft with beautiful, artistic lines. Paul and I tried to hold it off but?scene missing: Unfortunately our lawyers have instilled a gag order on this section. I?ll just say that when we were done, I was covered from head to toe in white paint chips. Don joined me for drinks in the Dockers Hall of Shame.

We beat a hasty retreat from the marina. Wendy was making a serpentine path towards Gananoque.  Everyone else was playing cards.  The sun suddenly came out so I decided to go up on the roof and lie out on the air mattress that was bungee corded in place.  It was a gale force wind and the waves were knocking us all over the place. I carefully made my way to the middle and lay down on my back with my feet pointed forward. I was doing quite well. Gradually the wind increased.  Suddenly, a large gust picked up the front of the air mattress and it folded up into a taco?with me being the filling.  I was rolling all over the deck and then it stood straight up. The only thing holding me from going over were the bungee cords. If they let go, I would be blown off the back and drift off to sea. I?m sure none of the card sharks would have noticed. I was fighting for my life when I heard voices and spied two jet skiers pulled up alongside. I was pretty busy but I figured they were yelling to my comrades that their man was in trouble on the roof.  Upside down in my taco shell, I finally heard what they were screaming, and it was at me??Could you tell us how to get to Gananoque??

I managed to wrestle the mattress back to the deck. Several minutes later Kathy soared over and joined me for an hour to help to weigh it down and we had no further problems.  

THE NEXT DAY ROB STILL HAD PERIPHERAL VISION PROBLEMS	COLLINS CHARTING A COURSE FOR HER CRAFT	HARBOURMASTER HAMILTON TAKES THE HELM

Paul and Rob carefully navigated us a mile or two past our final destination. We did a 180 and backtracked to Clark?s Marina. I decided to make a last ditch attempt at renewing my docking badge. I passed, but barely. I thought Paul had already tied up to the dock so I shut it off. He shouted ?Could you throw it in reverse?. ?Not really? I replied. Between all of us,  we managed to slow it down using the ropes, before it hit the next houseboat.

The rain clouds were forming so we quickly unloaded everything to our cars. It was excellent timing. It opened up just as we were ready to leave. Paul and I stayed behind to settle up with the owner of Houseboat Holidays. He scanned a practiced eye over the gas tank and said we used $44.00 of gas and 2 litres of oil ($14.00). The final check was the propeller.  He counted 3 blades, which fortunately, is what we started with.  It had been an excellent trip and all of us plan to do it again next year but with a bigger boat and more time.

Click Here To Go On To Part III